life is a .... cycle?

i had a sneaking suspicion that this is how things would pan out. nothing would happen before january and both the things i am waiting for would happen around the same time. the libran in me will then proceed to endlessly debate, consider, contemplate, discuss, revisit, evaluate till a decision is reached.
secretly though, the decision is already skewed in one direction. the main and probably only thing, holding me back is sheer inertia.

and about three thousand two hundred and eighty seven tiny little pinpricks of doubt. can i do this? can i do this well? will i be able to lead? inspire? earn respect? do i have what it takes? am i good enough? what if? what if i fail miserably? what if i simply can't cope? what if i have no life left? what next? how will it work? how can i make it work? how can i know now what can go wrong? will this be enough? how much is enough any way? aaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh
and this is only the beginning of the dilemma.